Padchuckr

So I figure since there’s a loooong break in the Hovis ranting I thought I’d post randomly about why that’s happened. That’s right kids, I’m on holiday in the Big Apple, and there’s not a video game in sight.That’s right dear readers, I am AWOL in New York for two weeks, or rather one more week since I got here on the 5th. Expect ranting to commence again within the next week or so, but for now I’m a very, very happy bunny.

Why? I’ll tell you why. New York fucking owns. Cheap booze, staggering views, a currency exchange rate which has turned me from London peasant to Upper West Manhatten yuppie at a stroke but the icing on the cake is that I’ve found so many cool, friendly people out here that I’m actually touched, and not just literally (although what they say about the effect of an English accent on the ladies here is entirely accurate). I heard New Yorkers were abrasive, brash and irritable, not a bit of it. Every night I go out I make new friends, hear new stories and win more games of pool (it seems my pool playing skills, like my bank balance, are worth more in the USA).

That said it wouldn’t be worth posting if it was all good news, I’ve got to rant about something. Hmm. Don’t get me wrong, I’m loving Manhatten, but the muck has got to be raked, and it’s time to take the cheap shots.

1. I have seen no less than two Doggie Gyms, and I haven’t even been looking for them. What the fuck is that about? If you can’t take your dog for a walk don’t get one. Some people should stick to hamsters. Twats.

2. Pedestrians should be issued with air horns. I don’t see why the cars should have all the fun of honking at every muppet who puts a foot wrong on the road.

3. Bouncers. Why would I carry ID when I’m nearly twenty eight years old? Motherfuck. On the one hand it’s nice to think I can still pass for twenty, but on the other hand I want my beer damnit! There needs to be a compromise, bouncers should say “Good evening, sir, aren’t you looking young today, come inside, first drinks on the house”. Best of both worlds.

Okay that about covers the bad, and the good I could, and might well, talk about for years to come. But one thing I think I should point out now, as a word of advice to fellow travellers, the Bar None on the corner of E13th and 3rd is the tits.

So that’s all the news for now. When I’m back on a PC that has a graphics card I’ll see what’s what with the world.